


Wash Away

by IfCujoWereSappho



Category: Gakuen Heaven
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 15:00:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7057231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IfCujoWereSappho/pseuds/IfCujoWereSappho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>it's a working title...</p><p> </p><p>Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Heaven or any recognizable characters,<br/>SPRAY/Higuri Yuu do.</p><p>Non/Self-Beta'd: all mistakes, bad writing and OOCness are mine</p>
    </blockquote>





	Wash Away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rahenna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rahenna/gifts), [brutalism](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brutalism/gifts).



> it's a working title...
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Heaven or any recognizable characters,  
> SPRAY/Higuri Yuu do.
> 
> Non/Self-Beta'd: all mistakes, bad writing and OOCness are mine

 

Taki stood there shaking with the violent disgust he was trying to contain. At least until he could scrub his skin raw and wash it away. On nights like this it wasn’t because _that person_ still had power over him, it wasn’t that his counselor was no good, it wasn’t that time had no healing effects or that Yukihiko’s gentle attentiveness didn’t either.

Why then? _Why_ were these nightmares (sporadic as they were becoming,) still so strong? Why were they like reliving it all over? But worse when he’d consider how disgusting he felt despite waking up against Yukihiko and a layer of guilt would add to the weight of every feeling he wanted to claw off of his skin.

 

He panted slightly, not caring that his skin was reddened, not caring whether it was from his own hands of the temperature of the water. But he was tired of this. Tired of feeling that these nightmares and the feeling that he awoke to after, like nails dragging the insides of his stomach, made him ungrateful of Yukihiko’s careful devotion. He hated himself at times like these, he hated himself each time in the past as well. His tears might have stung if he weren’t used to this, might have been a relief if it were the first or second, or even third time instead of occasional. Habitual.

 

The place where they met had been both a wonder and a curse. A curse because of _that person_ and a gem because so many who found each other there seemed to stay together. The boy he’d loved and never allowed himself to think he could have (because he was dirty, because he was broken, because he was used and couldn’t save himself,) or even reach for had chosen him. Yukihiko, the heartbreaker, the boy who chased everyone else at some point or another. The playboy who was truly just a softie and tamed himself to give Taki all of his attention.

“ _I don’t want your pity_.”

“ _I don’t pity you. I love you._ ”

 

The water wouldn’t get any hotter at this point. Yukihiko would be disappointed in him when he woke in the morning and saw the scratch marks on his skin.  Maybe they would be gone by then. The first time, Yukihiko had soothed him slowly by turning down the temperature of the water. He’d learned to stay calm by then and let Taki decide if he needed space. To remind him with a soft touch that Yukihiko wanted him but would give him control.

Taki felt like ripping his hair out when ripping at his own skin wasn’t enough. He ran his nails through his short hair and against his scalp with still shaking hands, keeping his eyes clenched shut. He hadn’t noticed the water temperature going down. He didn’t notice anything until he felt the shower curtain skirt against him as it moved.

 

Yukihiko sometimes found him this way. He’d accepted it with everything else he’d learned about loving someone who had a lot of healing to do. The same way he accepted that holding Taki and kissing him tenderly was not always the answer. He’d accepted that his lover needed the power to choose and options to choose from without consequence.

“Shunsuke, honey?”

 

Taki had gotten himself into a sitting position, knees pulled to his chest. He noticed that the water was cooler and recognized that judgement-less tone without lifting his head.

“S-sor- I’m-m sorry, Yuki,” he recited from habit.

“You don’t owe me any apologies,” Yukihiko recited back.

“You’ve done nothing wrong, Shunsuke,” Yukihiko was kneeling by the shower and reached over to touch Taki’s head, stroking the short, wet strands.

“Will you come back to bed?” he asked.

Taki nodded and let him turn off the water. He hadn’t gotten a towel, but his boyfriend had. It was a nicer way to end this ritual, Yukihiko wrapping him up and taking him back to bed. Tucking him in and kissing any more tears away. He’d never wash it all away, they both knew that, but Taki could calm himself each time knowing that he would always have this bed and bedmate to return to.

 


End file.
